Henry James's "The Figure in the Carpet"

Email 4:

"The Figure in the Carpet" traces a literary critic’s journey to discover the ultimate truth of author Hugh Vereker’s work. The story portrays the author as the ultimate source of authority, without whom all truth is lost. The protagonist is a fan of Vereker and enjoys his work very much. Notably, that enjoyment ends once the author reveals that all of his works have a hidden unifying message. Regarding reading for the purpose of literary criticism, the protagonist says, "My new intelligence and vain preoccupation damaged my liking...I found myself missing the subordinate intentions I had formerly enjoyed...Instead of being a pleasure the more they became a resource the less...I had no knowledge - nobody had any." Sadly, the protagonist’s plight reveals reading for literary criticism can take the fun out of reading.

If this is so, then why do George Corvick and Gwendolen Erme find so much enjoyment in Vereker’s works once they start reading them critically? The key is in the different ways Corvick and the protagonist pursue Vereker’s truth. The protagonist is not willing to work for the truth; instead he leeches off of the ideas of others. Like the student who solely reads Cliffs Notes, he just wants someone to tell him what it all means. Corvick, however, works diligently with Gwendolen to find the truth behind the texts. While his initial pursuit of the truth is communal, it is not until he is alone in India that he undergoes the Wordsworthian enlightenment and sees the truth before him. Much like the author’s inspiration, truth strikes the critic when he least suspects it.

"The Figure in the Carpet" presents an interesting contrast to Barthes’s "Death of the Author." While Vereker is alive, the protagonist has some hope of finding the truth. But with the death of this author and all those who verified their critiques with him, all hope for finding the truth is lost. It appears that Miss Poyle spoke the truest words of all: "Nobody sees anything!" Nobody, that is, except for the author. The now-deceased author "was still there to be honoured by what might be done - he was no longer there to give it his sanction. Who alas but he had the authority?" The story does not allow for the possibility that literary truth can be found without the author’s verification. If this is true, then the practice of modern literary criticism is invalid. The story instead seems to point toward the futility of relying on authorial intent to reveal the truth. The text and its truth will remain long after the author is gone. Why should they die with him?

Remains of Dante's last inferno

Ashes from the corpse of Italy's greatest poet, Dante Alighieri, were found lying in a bag on a Florence library shelf yesterday

By Reuters, Florence
Tuesday July 20, 1999
The Guardian

Ashes from the corpse of Italy's greatest poet, Dante Alighieri, were found lying in a bag on a Florence library shelf yesterday.

Two employees at the national central library in Florence stumbled across the remains by chance while searching in the rare manuscripts department.

'They came across an envelope on one of the shelves on the second floor,' the library's director, Antonia Ida Fontana, said. 'They opened it and found a bag of ashes along with documents which identify them as those of Dante.'

Dante, whose Paradise, Purgatory and Hell were among the most influential texts of medieval Europe, was born in Florence in 1265 and banished for his political views in 1302. He died in bitter exile in Ravenna in 1321.

On the 600th anniversary of his birth in 1865 scientists opened his tomb and donated a few of his ashes to the Florence library, then based in the Uffizi gallery.

The relics were displayed in Florence in 1929 but went missing, possibly when the library moved in 1935.

'We have been without these ashes for 70 years,' Ms Fontana said. 'It's a very emotional find for us. It's the only relic of Dante we have in Florence, which was always such a bitter-sweet city for him.'

Email Three

I find it ironic that in order for us to understand Barthes's "The Death of the Author," Dr. Schwartz had to "resurrect" the author and talk about 1968 and the Paris protests. She did this so that we could get a feel for the environment that produced such rebellious language. Obviously, 35 years after Barthes's publication, we still have not had the heart to murder our authors. We have to know the circumstances of works in order to analyze them. It can be something as simple as a general time (Shakespeare wrote in Elizabethan England) or as specific as motivations (The Communist Manifesto was a pamphlet specifically written for and given to workers). There needs to be some kind of context. I agree that often we look at authors as a categorization. Dr. Schwartz described Barthes as one of many 1968 Parisian writers who wrote with similar inflammatory language. If she hadn't said that, Barthes would have looked like someone making a mountain out of a molehill, but in the context of intellectual uprising, his language makes sense. She didn't need to tell us his biography or what he had for breakfast the day that he wrote "The Death of the Author." We only need a general context, and that's fine by me.

Regarding Rotman, I found the book to be very interesting, although I questioned some of his statements. He calls the new number system "Hindu" numerals. This is an inaccurate label because Hindu is the adjective form of Hinduism. There is nothing religious about these numbers, as the name implies. If he meant that they were Indian, he could have said "Hindi," although even that label is a little off. Zero was not invented in India; it was invented in Sumer. But if we want to play the "Columbus discovered America" game, then, all right, it was invented in India. Mathematicians and scientists (and almost anyone else I can think of) calls these numbers "Arabic numerals" because the Europeans learned about them from Arab traders. There is a running joke among Arabs that goes, "Everyone uses Arabic numerals...except Arabs." This is true: Arabs, Persians, and Indians all use different numerals albeit the same method of notation. Visit this website to see how I learned to write numbers: http://students.washington.edu/irina/persianword/numbers.htm. I think we could do a whole class on the semiotics of numbers, but then again, I hate math. Here's another flaw I find with Rotman: the origin of the word "cypher." OK, so the Rot man says that "zero" came from "cypher" without explaining how such a big leap took place; fine, I'll live with that. But then he says, "the etymology of the word zero, via 'cypher' from the Hindu sunya (= void)." OK, Mr. Rotman, I have to stop you there. Again, you used "Hindu," a word that refers to religion. Are you trying to make "void" sound mystical? Sunya comes from Sanskrit, the origin of all Indo-European languages, including Persian and English (not Arabic or Hebrew, which are both Semitic languages). The word "cypher" actually comes from the Persian word "sefr," which means zero and cypher (sound it out, gang, and you'll see how it makes perfect sense). How does this connect to Indians? Persian was the court language of India, the unifying language like Hindi is today. Persian was the trade language that was used with the Arabs (remember your geography, the Arab traders had to cross Persia via the Silk Road to get to India). The word "sefr" is today used by both Persians and Arabs to refer to zero, in fact it's the only name for a number that we have in common. It's okay with me that the Webster dictionary calls it an Arabic word; that's who the Europeans learned it from. I have this feeling that Rotman is British...I won't get into why, but it would help if this author hadn't killed himself by not supplying an "About the Author" page. He must have read Barthes.

Structuralism

Email 2:

While I believe that Angela articulated her argument well, I have to disagree with her on Structuralism's validity. I think that Structuralism gives voice to a phenomenon that I have encountered many times when reading a text: I read something, and it reminds me of something else you've read. This becomes Structuralism when the text is meant to point to that "something else."

For example, last semester I took Later Victorian Lit and studied the poems of Dante Rossetti. Rossetti's poems often have a common theme of the continuum of time and refers forwards and backwards to different poems in the time frame of a particular poetic situation. While my professor taught this theme, he drew a diagram on the board of an X with two lines pointing horizontally out of either side. At the time, I was also taking Early Italian Humanism taught in the Italian department and had just studied how Italians view Rome as the Eternal City because the Empire to them has never fallen; it has just been moved. Empires, that is, are always the same just moving from different locations: Persian to Egyptian to Greek to Roman to Byzantine to Holy Roman, ie Christendom. Therefore, Italians view history as being on a continuum where the past points to the future and the future points to the past per the theological study of typology.

Obviously, this view of history is very much engrained in Italians and Italian Humanist scholarship. Rossetti's father was a Dante Alighieri scholar (he loved Dante so much that he named his son after him) who moved from Italy to England. Rossetti's father was an Italian and a scholar and would have raised his son in a similar fashion with a similar literary background. In fact, the diagram of the X with two arrows that my English prof drew was the exact same diagram that my Italian prof had drawn! Thus, Rossetti's poem and it's theme were playing on an Italian literary and historical tradition of viewing time/history as a continuum where previous events are prefigurations of future events. I found further evidence of Rossetti's Italian Humanist scholarship by reading his sonnet sequence, which takes almost verbatim elements of Petrarch's Canzoniere, as does his sister Christina Rossetti's sonnet sequence. Hers is more interesting because it is a sequence told from the perspective of Laura and Beatrice, the object of Petrarch and Dante's sonnets, respectively.

OK, so what does this have to do with Structuralism? My professor had little to no awareness of the Italian literary tradition. When I explained the tradition to him, he was very happy to learn about it because it provided a label for the unity and common themes of Rossetti's poetry that he had not been quite able to put his finger on. Without this knowledge of other works, he lacked a basic understanding of Rossetti's purpose in writing the poems and the deliciousness of his application of Italian ideals to English poetry. Rossetti was Italian-English, and he was able to express his own duality by combining the two sides of himself intellectually and aesthetically in his painting and poetry. If we are not aware of the tradition behind his works, we cannot fully appreciate Rossetti's poetry. We are missing a vital piece of information that Structuralism encourages us to pursue. Instead of staying closed-minded and focusing solely on the one poem, we can look at it as a part of an entire literary tradition that goes back centuries. This is crucial to fully appreciating a work from every angle. This form of literary criticism is not a "dissection" that kills the work. It is instead a vivisection that allows us to see the poem's beating heart and read it's genetic code to see where it came from and where it is going. We do not "murder to dissect" the poem; we instead use Structuralism to "see into the life of things."

Literary Canon

I'm required to send weekly emails to my literary theory class, so I thought that I would post them here as well so that y'all could get a feel for what I do as an English major.

Email 1:

I remember the first time I asked the question, "What is Literature?" I was sitting in Dr. Bozorth's British Authors I class after we had just read Addison and Steele's essays and before we could even begin the class discussion, I said, "Dr. Bozorth, these essays do not seem like literature to me. These are just magazine articles. Shouldn't we be spending more of our time reading great poetry instead of the equivalent of our Vanity Fair magazine?" He then said, "Class, this is a great opportunity to discuss 'What is Literature?' The answer is that if it is in the Norton Anthology it is Literature, otherwise it is not. Maryam, the essays are in the Norton Anthology, so they are Literature." He was (sort of) joking of course, but I think what he said had great merit. A literary work is only called Literature if it has been labeled as such. Holy Semiotics, Batman!

This brings us to the subject of the "Literary Canon" and the exclusion of works deemed not worthy. For example, the obsession with "Orientalism," a term which actually referred to Persian, not East Asian, poetry, was prevalent in Victorian-Era Europe, particularly in England and Germany. The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam as translated by Edward Fitzgerald was the reason that T.S. Eliot became a poet (it's true; Google it!) and outsold many the works in the traditional canon. Lord Tennyson began his literary career translating Persian poetry at Oxford and produced great poems inspired by Persian poetry, such as "Recollections of the Arabian Nights," and his "In Memoriam" owes much to Rumi's poetry about Shams. Matthew Arnold’s "Sohrab and Rustum" published in 1853 further demonstrates the influence of Persian poetry. The list goes on and on. However, "Orientalist" poetry and traditional Persian poetry are not considered part of the literary canon. There is no mention of them in the Norton Anthology even though this was a major phase of British and World literature and is studied very deeply in England (my mother earned her A levels in Persian literature after studying with an Oxford professor). It seems that politics, or as Eagleton says, "ideology" has pushed crucial and valid influences like Persian poetry by the wayside in order to make room for whatever "Literature" fits the mold of the Powers That Be. In fact, Cecil Lang's second edition of his anthology The Pre-Raphaelites and their Circle replaces Fitzgerald's The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam with Swinburne's "The Leper" and "Anactoria" to "show a new aspect of Swinburne not discussed previously." Mr. Lang has little regard for showing English students an aspect of British literature not discussed previously.

We have no Persian lit courses at SMU, which is sad considering how large the Persian studies department is at the University of Texas and Ivy League colleges. I encourage you all, as students and scholars of Literature, to indulge yourself with the riches to be found in Persian poetry, even if it's not part of the canon:

from Tennyson's "Recollections of the Arabian Nights"

Then stole I up, and trancedly
Gazed on the Persian girl alone,
Serene with argent-lidded eyes
Amorous, and lashes like to rays
Of darkness, and a brow of pearl
Tressèd with redolent ebony,
In many a dark delicious curl,
Flowing beneath her rose-hued zone.

(lines 133-40)

Tennyson's "Recollections of the Arabian Nights"

Then stole I up, and trancedly
Gazed on the Persian girl alone,
Serene with argent-lidded eyes
Amorous, and lashes like to rays
Of darkness, and a brow of pearl
Tressèd with redolent ebony,
In many a dark delicious curl,
Flowing beneath her rose-hued zone.

(lines 133-40)

Livin in the Past

So I'm checking out my old high school crushes on Facebook, and they're all doing such cool stuff now. One is campaigning for his future presidency (of the US!) and prepping to ride a bike marathon from Austin to Anchorage. Another one is kicking ass at Rice, another's in Denver, and the rest are all shacked up at UT. It's so crazy how everyone's got their own life going on after high school. When you're in HS, all those people seem so important. But once it's all done, they're just blips on the radar of life. All you have left is the memory of the few things you said to them and how they made you feel. If I knew then that someday I would be so far removed from them, maybe I wouldn't have been so shy in high school, and I would have actually talked to them more. Whatever, I'm the same way now, and I'm gonna be even farther removed from the guys I know in college. Maybe it's just my personality.

Whenever I start wishing that I could go back to high school and redo a whole bunch of stuff over, I suddenly get Don Henley/the Ataris' "Boys of Summer" stuck in my head: "The little voice inside my head saying, 'Don't look back; you can never look back.' I thought I knew what love was; what did I know? Those days are gone forever. I should just let them go." I guess I'm just getting nostalgic now that I'm in my last year of college and my best friend from HS is starting pharmacy school. It just seems like my youth is ending. I know that sounds totally ominous and possibly even lame, but I just feel like I should be having fun while everything about my situation is telling me to get serious. Basically, I'm exactly where I was four years ago when I was applying to colleges: I didn't know what I was doing then but I thought I knew everything, now I know what I'm doing but I think don't know jack.

Katrina

400 of the Tulane undergrad students are being hosted at my school, SMU, in Dallas! They got here this morning, and our school is giving them a free meal plan and dorms. They're even offering to enroll them for the fall semester, even though we started classes on 8/18. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for them. I think the day before the hurricane hit was freshman orientation. Can you just picture kids on their first day of college being faced with one of the biggest natural disasters to hit the US? I'm glad they're here, though, and hopefully I'll get to meet some of them. I'm organizing a supply drive for the hurricane relief with Metro Mustangs. I think we should all do whatever we can to help them. It's funny, when we heard the hurricane was coming to New Orleans, my mom was like, "What's going to happen to your Tulane application?" I then got this image of the photograph I sent in floating on the water. Of course, there are more important things to worry about than my Tulane app, even though it was one of schools that was higher on my list (around my 3rd or 4th choice). The devastation in New Orleans and Mississippi is unbelievable, though. I can't imagine what it must be like for your entire life to just disappear like that, as if you were nothing. It's absolutely horrific. My prayers go out to everyone that's been affected by Hurricane Katrina.

Belief-O-Matic

I had to take this quiz on Dr. Trouble's blog. Check out my results. Man, certain people in the mother land would go crazy at numbers one and two! Since I got the same score for Sikhism and Islam, why didn't they just put it in alphabetical order so Islam would be #3? I don't know...it must have been God's will. ;) Take the quiz here.

1.	Reform Judaism (100%)
2.	Orthodox Judaism (85%)
3.	Sikhism (83%)
4.	Islam (83%)
5.	Liberal Quakers (74%)
6.	Baha'i Faith (70%)
7.	Unitarian Universalism (63%)
8.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (60%)
9.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (53%)
10.	Orthodox Quaker (52%)
11.	Jainism (51%)
12.	Neo-Pagan (50%)
13.	Jehovah's Witness (43%)
14.	Seventh Day Adventist (40%)
15.	New Age (38%)
16.	Eastern Orthodox (37%)
17.	Roman Catholic (37%)
18.	Mahayana Buddhism (37%)
19.	Hinduism (36%)
20.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (36%)
21.	Secular Humanism (36%)
22.	New Thought (31%)
23.	Scientology (30%)
24.	Taoism (25%)
25.	Theravada Buddhism (24%)
26.	Nontheist (17%)
27.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (16%)

First Interview Invite

I just got my first invitation to interview and it's from UT Houston!!! I can't believe I got this and it's at a school that I really want to go to. I'm so excited!! Today was my first day of class too and it went really well. My health psyc prof was out of town, so he videotaped the lecture and we watched it during class! I'd rather we just didn't have class so I could meet up with friends. Oh who cares? I got a med school interview!!!!

Senior Year

My senior year of college starts tomorrow. I am so excited. I have Earlier Romantic Lit, Health Psych, and Dante. It's gonna be so cool. Today was the Activities Fair at SMU and I had a lot of fun manning the booth as the President of Metro Mustangs. Sunday was cool too cuz I got to give a speech in front of the dean and all of the commuters and transfer students. I think we're gonna have a great year in the club. I got off work at 10:30 am and then headed to school and worked on the poster for the fair with our treasurer and historian. Can you believe we made this entire board in 2 hours?

I Don't Care

I love Ricky Martin's new song, "I Don't Care." Listen to it here. He's so talented. He collaborated with Amerie and Fat Joe on it. I don't care what anyone says, I still think he rocks. For the love of the Mike, bring back the boy bands. This indie rock crap just depresses me. (Holds up arms in anticipation of the indie rockers throwing tomatoes at me.)

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Isn't it weird that she looks like me? Spooky!

World's Shortest Personality Test

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

The Dog Days Are Upon Us

TMDSAS was processed on Wednesday. Can I get a YEEHAW?

I've heard from all of my schools, and I decided to add two more. I came to the realization that even though I have backup plan to strengthen my app if I don't get in this cycle, I still really want to get in this cycle and I have to do whatever it takes. The easiest thing to do is to add more schools and up my chances.

Why do I feel like I only see the same three people at work? Where is everybody else? And what's up with people telling me they're only working one day a week in the fall? We've fired really good people because of that before! We always had a 10 hrs/week minimum policy. I think things are gonna be really different in the spring when we go back to the old shift arrangement. Speaking of the fall schedule, why don't we have it yet?

I can't believe my summer is coming to a close. In 2 weeks, my sis will be off to start her own college destiny at Baylor, and she moves in on the same day as my first day of class. Doesn't that suck? Baylor is so cool, I wish I went there. I wish I had done a lot of things differently my senior year of high school. I should have treated my college apps the way I'm treating my med school apps and applied to tons of schools and BA/MD programs. Well, I can't go back in time. All I can do is learn from the past and make a better future for myself.

AMCAS Processed

Can I get a WOO HOO!!!!

App Update

So I'm getting in secondaries, which is really cool cuz the schools are actually reaching out to me instead of me pursuing them. At work I got to translate an Iranian postop yesterday and today I got to translate his hospital visit. I'll be doing it again this weekend. It's cool because I'm actually taking on the role of the doctor because I'm taking the H&P and rounds myself - the ultimate in direct patient contact. Plus it's nice to have the doctor depend on me for a change ;) The patient and his wife were so happy to have someone there who could actually communicate with them, and after I talked with them, the wife said that I was a sweet girl and she wanted me to see them everyday. It felt so nice to know that I made things a little easier for them. If I hadn't had been there, the patient and his wife would not have known what to do to treat his atelectasis, because they had not understood when the other health care workers had told them. They also didn't know why the patient wasn't allowed to eat, so they were glad to get an explanation.

After work, I stopped by the premed office and delivered my stamps, address labels, and LOR request sheet. The premed advisor said that she was bogged down cuz everyone was bringing that stuff in this week, so it may be 1-2 weeks before she actually sends it in. That's okay, since I'm still waiting for my primaries to be verified. I sent in my pics, certification page, and check for TMDSAS and my secondary check to OU yesterday. On my way to the post office there was a car in front of me with a TX Tech logo (a TMDSAS school) and then later there was an Oklahoma license plate in front of me (home of OU). Wow, talk about your good omens!

Live 8

So Live 8's going on the TV, and I gotta say that I don't really see the piont of it. The original Live Aid of 1985 held in London was meant to raise money for the African poor. But Live 8 is only meant to raise awareness. I think instead just having a big concert to "raise awareness" (a huge screening of Hotel Rwanda would have done more in that regard), the artists should either donate all the money they raise to Africa or meet with politicians to present their views (lobbying). Hopefully some good will come out of Live 8, and we'll see some legislation passed next week at the G8 summit.

One Down

I submitted TMDSAS last night and boy did that feel good. I went ahead and started on my UTSW, Texas A&M, and Texas Tech secondaries. I'm working on AMCAS now and I'll probably submit today or tomorrow. I just need to finish up adding my activities. Then I can start my Tulane secondary. Tomorrow Glamour Shots opens at Stonebriar, so I'm gonna go there to take my med school app pictures. I want to get all this primary stuff sent in so that I can have concentrate on my secondaries. Of course, this means I will have to deal with my special friend...yuk! Well, I won't let her get to me. I know everything will be okay.

The Line Up

Here's my lineup of schools I'm applying to:

Baylor College
Boston University
George Washington University
Georgetown University
Loma Linda University
New York Medical College
Texas A & M University
Texas Tech University
Tufts University
Tulane University
University of North Texas
University of Oklahoma
University of Southern California
University of Texas, Galveston
University of Texas, Houston
University of Texas, San Antonio
University of Texas, Southwestern

My top choice is UT Southwestern, followed by everywhere else in TX. For the out-of-states, my top choice is USC (I have family alumni), followed by Boston and Tulane. I finished my TMDSAS app today, but I'm afraid to hit the submit key. They have my transcripts and MCAT scores already, they just need my app.

Here are my EC's:

TA General Chemistry Lab, Scribe for Internal Medicine Group, President of Metro Mustangs, Member of Sigma Tau Delta and National Society of Collegiate Scholars, SMU University Honors Program, English Departmental Distinction Candidate, Beecher Senior Scholarship for Excellence recipient from SMU English Department, Bronze medalist at HOSA National Competition, AP Scholar with Distinction, Teach Farsi and Islamic Studies

Let me know if any of you want to read my personal statement and optional essay. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

That Darn MCAT

I love puns. So I got my MCAT score back, and I feel pretty happy about it. I'm really glad about not retaking. I know I could have done better in verbal, but my score is still good and I'm really happy with my bio score. Now I've just got to concentrate on making my application super awesome so that no one can turn me down...based on non-GPA/MCAT factors, tee hee. I'm almost done with TMDSAS except for the "optional" essay. I still have to put my 15 activities into AMCAS. I'm anticipating I'll finish all these by the end of the month. I wish it was Feb 1, and I knew where I stood. The worst part about this is not knowing. But I have faith, and I'm sure I have a chance for at least some interviews.

Makin' Whoopi

Summer Nights

Last night I had a great get-together with some of my friends from school. It was Jiroko's birthday so we got together over dinner at the Noodle Bar. I had the chicken lo mein, which rocked, and we hung out there until they closed. Then we headed over to Paciugo and chilled (get it? we ate ice cream, which is cold) and enjoyed our gelato. We walked around the shopping center until we found a cozy spot in front of Whole Foods (ahh, the nightlife of Plano). We hung around for another couple hours before we called it a night and parted ways. It was a great night and it was nice to meet up with my friends and have some fun and get my mind off things. Yay, summer!

Viva Las Vegas

I'm back from Vegas, and I had a great time as usual. We saw a couple celebrities on this trip, which was cool. Within the first two hours at Bellagio we saw Jennifer Tilley at the Petrossian Lounge. The next day we saw Ed McMahon at the VIP lounge and then we saw Mahasti (a Persian singer) twice: once at the Fashion Show Mall and once at Bellagio. We also saw David Spade's standup act at the Mirage, which was fun. For the first time, I got to actually play in Vegas. My favorite slot machine was Super Cherry, where I dropped a dollar and won $75. Later, I won $235 at Black Jack, then spent $35 of it on a slot machine and won $300. Then I spent $150 of that on slots. So I didn't come out too bad, and it was pretty fun. Who knows what will happen if I wind up at Tulane med? Speaking of med school, the best part of my vacation was that I didn't have to think about it at all. I could just relax at the Spa, the pool, the malls (dude, I totally splurged at Burberry's sale!!), and the casino. But all good things must come to an end, and I returned to Dallas with lots of work left for me.

Under the Knife

So I had my surgery yesterday. I had four wisdom teeth extractions: 2 soft tissue and 2 partial bony. It's so ironic how I've spent the past two years providing medical perioperative care and now I finally am a surgical patient. I had it done at Baylor College of Dentistry with a surgical resident. This was the first time I've ever had IV sedation. First thing they did when I came in was slap on all those stickers for the vital signs and put the O2 stat monitor on my finger. Then they stuck the oxygen tube in my nose and covered my hair with a cloth cap. The surgeon came in and explained what was gonna happen and then he started the IV sedation. Everything started getting blurry as I heard my mom say, "You know doctor, she's a premed student. She just took her MCAT." Now you know where I get it from.

Right before I fell asleep they blindfolded me with a long bandage wrapped around my head. I woke up intermittently throughout, usually once the surgeon would start drilling. On my partial bony teeth, he had to break them into pieces and then take them out. I kind of wish it was video taped so I could watch it. Once it was over he took off my blindfold and called my mom and sister in. My legs and arms were shaking, and I wanted to tell the doctor to give me anti-anxiety meds in addition to the Vicodin and Keflex. But of course I couldn't talk. So I motioned for a pen and paper and wrote down my request. He told me that my IV had some anti-anxiety med in it and that my shaking was because my body was cold. He had given me so much fluid in such a small amount of time through the IV that my blood vessels were cold. Isn't that freaky?

When I got home the pain started, and I downed the Vicodin. It became my new best friend (I'm from Plano, what do you expect?). My cheeks swelled like chipmunk cheeks, and according to my sister I look like a cute baby. I don't want to leave the house though, my face is too embarrassing. Hopefully the swelling will go down soon. The doctor said I can't work out until it does, which sux, but then again I also can't eat as much so that may make up for it. So here I am S/P wisdom teeth extract x4, passing in and out of my consciousness thanks to the Vicodin. Ain't life grand?

Boring...

Now that school's out, I a little bored. Since my mom's at work and my sisters are still in school, I'm pretty much stuck at home all day. I run errands over the phone and try to clean up around the house, but there's only so much. Good thing I'm not trying to be a housewife. I'm fixin to put my school books up for sale on half.com, then maybe my days can be filled with mailing off those puppies. Passions has a storyline in Las Vegas, which just makes me more antsy to go. I can't wait!

School's Out

Yes! I am totally done with school and I got A's in all of my classes! So 19 hrs this term = 4.0. I put all my scores into AMCAS and TMDSAS. I flinch everytime I put those C's and W's from my sophomore year, but I cheer up when I put in straight A's from junior year. I've decided not to take any classes this summer. Instead, my summer plan is to

• Have surgery
• Go to Las Vegas
• Work on med school applications
• Work at the hospital
• Work out
  
• Hopefully go on some interviews and enjoy my MCAT score

Notice I did not put study for August MCAT on that list because I really hope I don't have to do that. I may study Spanish on my own, but that doesn't sound too realistic. No, I'm gonna finally enjoy some time to myself and just relax and read all those books I keep saying I'm gonna read and never get around to, like Lipstick Jihad and Eliot Possessed.

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry

"There are ... things ... that if I’d let be, they’d eat away at me and destroy me in the end...there are things you can’t back down on, things you gotta take a stand on. But it’s up to you to decide what them things are. You have to demand respect in this world, ain’t nobody just gonna hand it to you. How you carry yourself, what you stand for-that’s how you gain respect. But, little one, ain’t nobody’s respect worth more than your own."

My Personal Dating Profile

This is very relevant to a discussion I had on Tuesday. Thanks, Tiffany, for the link.

Your dating personality profile: Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Traditional - Modern culture does not move you. You hold traditional values dear to your heart.

Your date match profile: Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need. Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers. Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Stylish 2. Liberal 3. Traditional 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Intellectual 6. Religious 7. Big-Hearted 8. Adventurous 9. Sensual 10. Romantic

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Conservative 2. Traditional 3. Religious 4. Shy 5. Stylish 6. Intellectual 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Practical 9. Adventurous 10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

A New Day

"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

I have a totally new outlook today. I just know that everything is going to be all right and that my life can turn out the way I want it to because I believe in myself and my family, coworkers, professors, and community believe in me, too. In fact, the English Department believes in me so much that in addition to me becoming a departmental destinction candidate, I just earned a new scholarship for my achievement in the English department!! I am so happy and I am definitely out of the funk I've been in the past couple of days. I took my Physics final, so I'm completely through with all my med school pre-reqs and now I can just focus on my med school apps and making myself in to an awesome candidate. I know I can do it, and I know I will make it. I will be a doctor.

I Will Be a Doctor

F*CK YOU!!!

I WILL BE A DOCTOR
I WILL BE A DOCTOR
I WILL BE A DOCTOR
I WILL BE A DOCTOR
I WILL BE A DOCTOR
I WILL BE A DOCTOR
I WILL BE A DOCTOR

F*CK YOU!!!
F*CK YOU!!!

The Thrill is Gone

Ever since I took the MCAT (last week), I've had little motivation to do anything. That test really took a lot out of me. I was kind of hoping I'd have some time to slack off at school before finals, but no such luck. This week is the last week of classes at SMU and finals week at UTD. So my schedule this week:

• Monday - Meet with our scribe coordinator to plan summer schedule
• Tuesday - Formal interview with SMU Health Professions Advisory Committee
• Wednesday - Later Victorian Lit paper 3 due (4-5 pages) and Psych Disorders of Children Test 3 (last day of class)
  
• Thursday - Children's Lit paper 4 due (4 pages on a novel for young adults) and extra credit due (write a children's book!) and Physics final exam and extra credit due (last day of class)
• Friday - Scribe in the morning on my day off from school

So I'm pretty busy this week. Which sucks when you're not motivated at all b/c you took the biggest test of your life and all you're thinking about it what your score is and you won't find out until June. And med school apps start May 1, so I'm really just wanting to focus on that, but I've got my finals in Victorian and Children's Lit and my final paper in Italian Humanism. Then the week after that I have my last test in General Nutrition. AAAHH!

MCAT April 2005

I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee! I took the MCAT today, and I feel great! I woke up on my own 5 minutes before my alarm clock went off (this never happens to me). I felt calm, almost euphoric, as I brushed my teeth and got ready for the day. I hooked up with some of my friends when I got to UD and we all felt pretty good (yay, TPR!). Overall, our classroom had 1 1/2 hrs added to it because our proctor kept delaying everything. The PS section started out easy, but then got hard. It was about as hard as the AAMC tests, though, so it wasn't completely unexpected. There were some things on it that I don't remember covering in class, but I used POE and the passage and tried my best. I had 2 passages left over, but I always do and I got a 9 on my last AAMC test so I know I can still make a good score. My VR section was so easy! I had a passage on Islamic scientists and 2 on scientific revolutions. Boy am I glad I took that class on the History and Philosophy of Science! And one of the sci rev passages was straight out of Kuhn's Structure of Scientific Revolutions, a book I've studied in 2 classes. I had read the passage before! I even had time to do the "killer" passage on Modernism. So I finished that section right on time and went on to do BS which I finished w/ 5 min to spare. My prediction: 8PS, 12 VR, and 11 BS. Here's hoping.

April Is the Cruelest Month...

Tomorrow is the day that will determine the rest of my life...but I'm not supposed to think about that because it will increase anxiety and the most important tip for the MCAT is "don't freak out." I feel well prepared. I scored a 29 on AAMC 8, which is supposed to be really hard. I'm really glad I took Princeton Review classes. If I hadn't, I'd be screwed. Today is supposed to be a day of rest and relaxation, and we're not supposed to study (but I'm still glancing at notes, tee hee). I skipped my SMU classes yesterday (well, one was canceled and the other was a quiz that I asked to take next week). I was planning on skipping classes today, but Dr. Cox said that we're going over sleep disorders and that it was kind of an important lecture. Could it be that TS Eliot was referring to the MCAT when he started The Wasteland by saying, "April is the cruelest month"?

Practice Makes Perfect

So I've been practicing for the big MCAT test this Saturday. I've taken AAMC 6R, 7 , and 3R. I've started 8 in that I'm doing one section a day just to get familiar with real MCAT questions. Today I did the Bio and I'm happy with my score. Overall, I'm feeling pretty confident, but I of course still want to improve. I pulled a 12 on the verbal for 3R, so I'm hoping to do that on the real deal.

My First Diagnosis

Guess what: I made my first diagnosis today! I'm serious, it was a real diagnosis. We have a patient in the ICU, and we didn't know what to do (hey, that rhymes). We have this software called Diagnosis Pro where we can put in some symptoms and check out the differential. OK, so we put in some info and the comp kept saying he had a diabetic coma (no, the guy was talking) and cancer (ok, we already thought that, but the CT scan kept coming up negative). One thing about this patient was that he had acetone in his blood (and no, you're not supposed to have nail polish remover in your blood). We checked out the differential some more and one possibility was chronic alcoholism (ding ding ding!). When alcoholism is suspected, the patient is automatically given Thiamine. The doctor went ahead and wrote that order and moved on while one of the patient's other doctors said that he had no idea what was going on with this guy.

As we were walking away to another building I said, "Doesn't acetone build up through ketosis?" and my doc said yeah and I said, "Well, ketosis occurs during fasting. So if our patient has acetone in his blood, he must be starving." My doctor said, well I checked his Hemoglobin A1C and it was normal. I said, "But our patient is an alcoholic...didn't you say that he looked 'emaciated and wasting'?" Yeah, he said. I said, "then maybe he's not eating at all, just drinking. He's choosing alcohol over food. His alcohol is depleting his niacin and he doesn't have enough niacin for the Krebs cycle. So now he has sugar in his body, but he can't metabolize it. Since he can't metabolize glucose, his body is going through ketosis since he's fasting. How much acetone was in his blood?" My doc said, "A very small amount...but there shouldn't be any at all. That's why it's a big problem." "So," I said, "that means that he's in the second, not the third, stage of fasting. We can still help him. Shouldn't we give him niacin?" "You're right, Maryam!" he said, "We have to give him Thiamine first to save his brain and then Niacin to save his body. I'll let the orders stand because if I go back and write for Niacin too they'll give it to him in the wrong order. But I'll go back later today and write for Niacin. Great job!"

I was sooo happy! I really can be a doctor. I do have the qualities that make a good physician: breadth of knowledge + analytic reasoning + critical thinking (+ compassion). I have to do well on my MCAT so that I can show the admission commitees that I do have what it takes, and I can finally begin the career that I was born to do.

Registration Time

It's the most wonderful time of the year...Registration! I love registering for classes because it promotes the idea that there is something new and exciting just around the bend. There's so much promise and knowledge to be gained in the coming term. Today I registered for my SMU classes for Fall 2005. Check them out and let me know if you want to take a class with me. I've taken classes with 3 of the professors, so I can give you the heads up.

• ENGL 4339 Earlier Romantic Lit
  
• ENGL 5349 Seminar: Literary Theory
• FL 3393 Dante's Poetic Vision (I'm petitioning for Honors)
  
• PSYC 3380 Health Psychology

So I'll have no SMU classes Wednesdays or Fridays! How cool is that? Sweet!

AAMC 7

Today I took the AAMC MCAT Practice Test 7 and scored a 28!! I got an 8 on Physical Sciences, 10 on Verbal Reasoning, and 10 on Biological Sciences. This is soooo awesome! I met my goals for VR and BS, now I just have to do it on PS, and I will rule the school. I was so excited when I graded my test. It's so funny that I did well because when I was taking it I thought I flunked it. Here's hoping I'll do even better on the real thing -- it's just 2 weeks away!

How Hard Do You Crush?

"It's Just...A Little Crush..."

Sure, you might have your eye on that hunky quarterback on your school's football team, but that doesn't mean you're sprinting with pom-poms to join the pep squad. "You know what's important to you, like friends, family and after-school stuff, but you keep your crush as just that -- a crush," says singer Jennifer Paige, who knows all too well about those heart-pounding moments; her hit song, "Crush," was inspired by a former relationship. So although you and Mr. Hottie mutually complain about Mrs. Friedlhofer's cooking class, you wait until after he's left the room to high-five yourself for keeping your cool. "If you and your crush feel comfortable talking to each other, then a date might not be too far off in the future," predicts Paige.

Which Spring Trend Was Made for You?

Dots

Polka dots perfectly express your timeless (but fun!) style. Sure, they're a little retro, but they're also very hot and one of spring's best trends. Right now, you can find them on everything from basic belts to formal dresses. Besides traditional all-white or all-black dots on a solid fabric, look for patterns featuring dots of several different colors. This graphic design is cute, cheerful, and also classic! Another trend to try: Floral.

Affirmation

Guess what? I proved myself with great benefits. Hooray!! I actually have a weekend this week thanks to Easter. I'm off today for Good Friday and there's no TPR this weekend (although there'll be a review this Monday). A crazy thing happened today. I was walking out of my Italian Humanism class at 2 when I realized that my Victorian Lit paper was due today at 3. I was like, "Dammit, what am I gonna do?" Then I remembered that I had emailed my professor a draft during spring break so I ran to the library and opened up my email. I checked out the sent email folder and sure enough, my paper's Word document was there. Thank God!! I opened it and my professor's email response and proceeded to correct the paper (meaning adding a paragraph). I printed it, but the library printers were acting up and they had to call a tech to come figure it out so that I could get my paper printed. I was like, please hurry, I don't have much time. It finally printed and I ran out of the library back to Dallas Hall. I made it just in time and turned it in to the professor's box. WHEW!!! Thank God above I remembered and was able to turn it in in time. Otherwise I would have been screwed.

Rewind

So all day, I've been doing the whole "how could I have said that better?" thing. I was in a situation this morning where I was defending myself and in the end I "won," but I wish I had said a little more on my behalf, so that I could show my true self to the other party (who knows me in a very limited capacity). I think I may later on meet with this person privately so that she can know me better and my actions won't be such a surprise to her. This is why I prefer to interact with people in this capacity that I have interacted with before. They already know what I'm capable of so they don't judge as quickly.

My Celebrity Soulmate

I only say "woohoo" because I know that my real celebrity soulmate is Ben Affleck (Who else loves the "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" as much as I do? He wrote a freaking TV series based on him!), and Matt Damon is the closest celebrity to him. Cool beans!

On another note, my MCAT score is improving with a new 24 composite. Yay, now I just have to go up 1 pt in VR, 2 in BS, and 3 in PS. Must study now...

Which Housewife Are You?

Susan

You always mean well, but somehow things don't always work out as you'd planned. It doesn't matter. You take your tumbles with good grace and always come up smiling. But try to remember you're the grown-up in your family.

Take the quiz here.

Spring Break (?)

So it's been Spring Break since Saturday and what have I done. Well, here was my checklist when I started the break:

1. Physics HW and reading
2. Physics reading and lab
3. Write med school essay and print photo for Health Professions Recommendation Committee
4. Study for Physics Test on 3/22
   
5. Write Victorian Lit essay (on the Mill on the Floss) due 3/24
   
6. Nutrition Assignment due 4/1
   
7. Study for Nutrition Exam starts 4/2
   
8. Write Children's Lit essay (on The Persian Cinderella) due 4/7
   
9. Write Psych Paper due 4/8

So I've done numbers 1-7!! Yay! Now I just have to write my children's lit essay and my psych paper. Good deal. My strategy was to finish all my assignments up to the MCAT so that I would be free to study. So the whole Persian Cinderella thing happened because I was sitting in my children's lit class and we were talking about minority representation in picture books (at my school when they talk about minority anything, they mean African-Americans). So we had a couple of African-American students in the class saying, Yeah we were never in picture books. But the thing was, we were reading 8 picture books in class that featured African-Americans, esp. children: Corduroy, Meet Addy, Uncle Jed's Barbershop, Ben's Trumpet, Snowy day, Amazing Grace, etc. So obviously, as a group they are represented in picture books. So I was talking about one aspect of one of the books and said in the middle of something, "There are no picture books about Iranian-American children, so I really never saw myself in picture books growing up." My professor said, "Oh, I think there are books about Iranian-Amer's and you should look them up on Amazon. I was planning on telling y'all later, but your next paper topic is to critique a picture book. I want YOU to write your paper on an Iranian-American picture book." I told her that they are all Arabian Nights tales, not about American children of Iranian heritage, but she told me to do my paper on it anyway and just address that in the essay.

Thus, I got the most popular picture book regarding Persian culture, The Persian Cinderella. Why? Because there are no picture books about Iranian-American children! Here's a link to all Persian/Iranian related picture books. I searched for hours and all the books have a common theme that they take place in medieval Persia after the retreat of the Arabs but before the Mongolian invasion (roughly 9th century) and there are princesses/genies/thieves AKA Arabian Nights stories. They aren't about the lives of Iranian children growing up in America and what that means like books about Hispanic or Asian-American or African-American children. There are lots of memoirs about this (Funny in Farsi for example), but not picture books or books intended for children. Researching and going through all this makes me think that I should write a children's book for Iranian-American kids. Why not? This will be a great work-in-progress for me.

How Well Do You Know Your Inner Social Climber?

Social Climber-at-Large

You're good. You know what you want and you grab it. And when things go wrong? Well, you know how to make it look good. Even when you're caught red-handed. And because you're more direct than diabolical, mostly people sympathize with you when you do let the social climber out. You're just doing what everyone wants to do. But to really be a tour de force, you might do a little more calculating. After all, social climbing is big business. Ask Paris Hilton.

Find your inner social climber here.

21

Hey you're 21 girl, that's all right. Tell me if a shake comes with those fries. If so, baby can I get em supersized!

Today's my 21st birthday everyone!! It's so fun to finally be a full-fledged adult. Now I can actually do stuff in Vegas instead of gorging myself, swimming, and lounging at the spa and I can rent cars. I finally got what I've been asking for for 2 years. I told one of the head nurses in the hospital that it was my birthday and he goes, "Lemme guess: 21?" I said yeah and he said, "You make me sick. You're so young." Then he paused and said, "When are you gonna stop working for these people?" It was so funny cuz I've been working there longer than he has, and he's already seen so many scribes come and go. I told him another year if I get into med school this cycle. He was like, "Good, get on with your life. Then come back here and boss me around as a doctor. And bring your own scribe."

There's this girl who works with us who' s known across the campus as a big drunk, and she was like, so are you gonna hit the bars? I said, "No, I don't drink." Then she looked at me like I had just slapped her across the face, then she looked at our office manager who had a look of approval on her face and said, "Uh, I guess that's good..." Then she said, "Well, how about just one drink?" I politely said, "Naw, I don't think so" and left. I told my friends about it at school and they were like, "Why didn't you just tell them it was against your religion?" I told them how I don't feel like I need to shove my faith down everyone's throat, especially in the workplace.

Then one of my buddies came in and, as usual, told us about how he got stoned again. I swear, every sentence out of his mouth starts with, "Man, I got so wasted last night. I don't even remember what happened." Today he had a deep bite mark on his arm and he didn't know where it came from. We were like, um that doesn't look like your mouth. He goes, Man I wonder whose it is. It was pretty funny. Then he was describing what he sees when he's tripping and he's all like, You're know what I'm talking about, right Maryam? Everybody goes, "How would she know? She's the most non-stoned person on the planet." He goes, "of course she knows. She's a premed. They know all about drugs. " He's full of crap most of the time, but he's still hi-larious.

Diag 3

Hey y'all! I got a 22 on my third Diag. I am feeling good cuz it was sooooooo hard. Everyone in the room was just freaking about it. The G Chem was all acid/base and pressure. I couldn't believe it! This can't be indicative of the real thing because the read MCAT mixes up topics, not concentrating all on the same question. Good thing I know my acid/base pretty well since I was a G Chem TA for a year after taking the course. And I got a 9 on the Verbal! I am moving on up. Our next 2 diags are gonna be AAMC, not TPR so they're going to be as close to the MCAT is we can get. Thank God, cuz I'm sick of asking the teachers about problems I've missed and them saying, "Oh it's just a crappy question. The real MCAT wouldn't have this on there." I'm feeling pretty pumped and motivated right now. Last night I officially became President of Metro Mustangs. All the old and new officers had dinner at Macaroni Grill (score!) and then we went to Starbucks. But I made it home in time to have a good night's sleep so I could take my diag. I can't believe I'm improving! Monday I'm turning 21 and my birthday wish is make at least a 30 on the MCAT. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Sighting

I saw him yesterday. In front of Hughes-Trigg, he stood. Yes, it was my beloved French boy. I hadn't seen him in 3 months. I wanted to run up to him and see how he was doing, how his Christmas trip to France went, if he's really graduating this spring. But I couldn't...it was like I was on this moving walkway peddling quickly past him. Like I was on a moving train, banging on the windows, but he can't hear me from the depot. Why does it have to be like this?! I feel this emptiness without him. He was so dependable. Three times a week like clockwork he was there and a part of my life. He was my chance to change things, to start a new chapter in my life. But I didn't go through with it because I couldn't deviate from the path. I have to make sure the medicine part of my life is cinched before I can even think about my personal love life. I didn't start with him because I know I'm too passionate and love consumes me. Once I start the snowball, it grows and grows and I can't control it. He's a very passionate person too, so I knew the two of us would be awesome, but too consumed with each other to notice the rest of the world. And I have to be consumed with medicine right now. I can't deviate to be with him. I just have to hope and pray that once I know that my future is secure career wise (meaning after I hit submit on my application this summer), my chance won't be lost and I can finally indulge a part of my life that I've had to suppress for so long. He made me break the chains, but one can lead a horse to water, 20 cannot make her drink. He got me where I needed to be emotionally, but I couldn't go through with it until the circumstances allowed me to. I just hope I won't be too late...

Diag 2

Today's was my second diagnostic MCAT exam at Princeton Review. I scored 8 BS, 4 PS, 5 VR, meaning my composite is still 17, I went up 2 points in BS, down 2 points in VR, and stayed the same on PS. This bites. I'm glad I improved on BS, but how did I go down 2 points on VR! I'm a frickin English major! Well, I'll just have to keep studying and try harder next time. Our next practice is in 2 weeks. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Super Bowl Sunday

OK, so February's here and it seems like a good time to update y'all on my life. Work is a tad stressful considering that there are a lot of scribes working one day a week and I'm stuck working 2-3. You know, we were supposed to be hiring the new scribes so that the scribes taking the MCAT would have a break, but that has worked out so well since they hired only PM scribes! My first test this semester is tomorrow in Abnormal Child Psych. It's a really fun class, and I'm not too worried about the test. I'll be studying my notes during rounds tomorrow. I keep getting these messages from guys on Facebook that say for me to add them as a friend, and when I do they send me messages saying they wanted me as a friend cuz my picture is hot. It's a little creepy. I wonder if there's a way you can delete friends on there. My other classes are going okay. I just hope I do as well in Physics as I did last semester. Studying for MCAT is really hard when you're taking 19 hours. I picked classes that aren't too stressful. Most of my stress comes from the fact that I haven't written my personal statement yet. I know it's not due till March 31, but that's really not that far away. 19 hrs + 15 hrs work + 9 hrs MCAT class + med school apps = Maryam freaking out, hopped up on caffeine, and sleep deprived, you know the usual.

You Are 24 Years Old

24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

The weird thing about this is this girl in my physics told me last week that she thought I was 24. Spooky...

Is It Over Yet?

OK, so I've been in school for 2 weeks, and I already want it to be over. It just seems like my classes aren't grabbing me as much as I thought they would. Children's Lit turns out to be my least favorite class, followed by Later Victorian Lit. Not a good sign for an English major, but it's not my fault none of the good professors are teaching the classes I need this term. Abnormal Child Psyc is cool because I know the prof, and I absolutely adore my Early Italian Humanism professor. She is soo cool and very European. We actually have real Italians in our class...like, from Italy...with accents! But alas, no hot Italian guys, sigh. It's weird, but none of my friends are in my SMU classes. I have friends in my MCAT class and at UTD, but in my SMU classes, it's like I'm a freshman starting from scratch.

UTD physics is the same, but now I have lab Thurs at 7-10 pm after my lecture from 5:30-6:45. Usually, I finish lab after 1/2-1 hr, but the TA this term is a lot harder than the one last term. I don't get why we don't just to keep the same TA. She spent an hour going over how to draw a graph. I mean come one! We're all juniors and premeds who have taken mounds of science classes; we don't need y = mx + b explained to us again after we learned it in 8th grade. Plus, this is the second semester of the course, so we don't need tips on how to survive physics. We have survived, hence the second term. So I got out of class at 8:30, meaning I did finish the actual lab in 1/2 an hr so I would have been out at 7:30 if she had not chatted so much. My online class General Nutrition is gonna be a lot easier than A&P was since there's no lab. We just have 3 assignments we complete at home and 3 tests we take on campus. The third test is the week after I finish my SMU finals, so I only have to worry about 2 tests during the year. Speaking of finals, Italian and Psyc don't have them, so I'll just have my Physics final at the end of April, then 2 finals in early May, and end the term with my last Nutrition test. Ain't life grand?

I need to keep myself motivated. It's been a lot harder to keep on top of my reading assignments so far. But I'll do it. I just need to remember to clear my mind and focus on one thing at a time. Before I know all my assignments will be done and so will my MCAT passages.

Spring 05 Schedule

Here's my Spring 2005 Schedule:

Sunday: 2:30-8:30 MCAT class
Monday: 6:45 am - 12 pm Work; 1-2 pm Later Victorian Lit; 2-3 pm Abnormal Child Psych
Tuesday: 9:30-11 am Children's Lit; 12:30-2 pm Italian Humanism; 5:30-6:45 pm College Physics 2
Wednesday: 6:45 am - 12 pm Work; 1-2 pm Later Victorian Lit; 2-3 pm Abnormal Child Psych
Thursday: 9:30-11 am Children's Lit; 12:30-2 pm Italian Humanism; 5:30-6:45 pm College Physics 2; 7-10 College Physics 2 Lab
Friday: 1-2 pm Later Victorian Lit; 2-3 pm Abnormal Child Psych
Saturday: 2:30-5 MCAT class OR 9-4:30 MCAT practice test
Plus I'm taking General Nutrition online (3 tests and 3 assignments total)

So as you can see it's a pretty busy schedule, but I think I can make it work. I'm taking one less hour because Nutrition doesn't have a lab like A&P did. It's the most important semester of my college career because it's my last one before med school apps this summer plus I've got the MCAT. I need complete concentration and as little distraction as possible. Of course, I happily relish the idea that I have a high chance of becoming Metro Mustangs president and I hope I win. It's the organization I care most about at school and I would love to run it. I can balance.

Happy New Year and Goodbye Noghte Cheen

Wow, I'm getting really lazy with this blog. I check it everyday for updates, as if I wasn't the one writing the entries, haha. It's a new year and my resolution is to make a 30 on the MCAT. Of course, I haven't studied all break, with the exception of MCAT class. It's pure sloth plus all the stuff that's been going on. I went to a Persian-Pakistani wedding on New Year's Day. It was the first wedding of one of my really good friends that I grew up with (the Persian bride). It was really cool, but her sister, who I'm more tight with, is having her wedding in Iran this summer. She's begging me to get tickets, but I don't know if I'll be able to.

My favorite Iranian sitcom, Noghte Cheen (or as everyone calls it, Bamshad) just aired its final episode on Jame Jam satellite last Tuesday night. They had 2 crappy "Crossfire" type specials and then one good "behind the scenes" special. The last episode actually aired in Iran in July, but they started airing the show on the satellite for Iranians abroad afterwards. They replaced it starting New Years Day with Kamarbandha ra beband, which roughly translates as "fasten your belts". The show sucks, and we stopped watching it. I miss Bamshad so much! I only got to tape the last 2 episodes, the 2 crappy specials, and the behind the scenes specials. I miss Bamshad butchering English words: "Amrikayeha megan 'neber'", "Dar Italia, espegetti-getti mekhoran" and of course I miss him singing "Bevafaee, bevafaee, delleh man az ghoseh daghoon shodeh" and "vafa daree, vafa daree, vafa daram, vafa daree, hamammoon vafa dareem" and when he translated "bevafee" to English: "Unfaithfulee, unfaithfulee, my heart is daaaaaamaaaged." And don't forget Mehran Modiri as Ardal. He was so great. I love when he corrected Bamshad, "Nah, begoo chee goftee...chap room! chat roomeh, IQ! Chera rajeb cheezhaee keh nemidooni harf meezani!" and when he would sweet talk so that he could get what he wanted "beya azizam, ghorboonet beram, to kojaee? dalam vasat tang shodeh, cheghat doosetdaram". He could just make you feel all tingly, especially when he said, "manam hassaas!" The wives were great too. I love it when Mozhdeh would say, "Maneeeeezh, hamcheeni namooneh" or "Maneeezh, yeh cheezi meegee ha" or "Bebeen Bamshad, man asob masob....nadaram." It was so funny when Manizh would say, "Vay, cheh Romantique o Parvanehee" and talk about her dental unit. Oh God, please let Noghte Cheen be released on DVD! I'm going through withdrawal symptoms without any prospect of syndication like American TV. It was one of the greatest Iranian sitcoms, like Italia Italia and Daee Jan Napoleon. Why did it have to go away, why?????????????? If you want to check out clips of Noghte Cheen, go here and there's a Noghte Cheen photo gallery here. Bamshad is the fat guy and everyone's favorite. Noghte Cheen truly was genius and brought the whole family together. I hope Modiri goes back to the set and creates another great sitcom.

Santa Cleaned My Toilet

I hope y'all had a nice Christmas. I woke up Christmas morning, headed to bathroom, and what did I find? Blue water. Being as I was still groggy from sleep, I started out thinking, "Wow, the famous blue pee of Santa Claus..." Then I was like, "Wait a minute...Santa Claus doesn't pee blue!" So I thought, how could this Christmas miracle have occurred when I was the last to go to bed at 2 the night before. Then the real explanation struck me: Santa Claus cleaned my toilet. Yup, and may I add that over 24 hours later the water is still blue in only that toilet and no one knows why.

As far as presents, I received 2 sweaters, 2 shirts, 1 pair of pants, 1 pair of earmuffs (#1 on Xmas list), 1 Juicy Couture Horseshoe charm, 1 pair of boots, a bag of LifeSavers, and car window cleaner. I gave to my sisters 2 Coach purses, 2 sweaters, 1 pink velour sweatsuit, 1 shirt, and 1 pair of pants. Yup, Christmas is a fun time of year. Then we watched a marathon of OC episodes I had on tape, including Chrismakkuh! Then we went to go see The Aviator, which was really good and I highly recommend it. It's amazing how much Howard Hughes accomplished in his lifetime and if he didn't have OCD he couldn't have been that great. The OCD gave him the motivation to be a perfectionist, even though there was obvious emotional cost. Leo better get an Oscar this time, and Cate Blanchett too. They were both great, but Leo was just astounding. He so deserved a nom for Catch Me If You Can. What we failed to realize was that the movie was 3 hrs long (I don't think the film was, but there were a lot commercials/previews b4 it started so I think that took up a lot of time). When we got out of the theater we were hungry so we drove around looking of a restaurant open after 10 on Christmas and we found one: Bennigan's! That's right, Bennigan's was open till midnight on Christmas Eve and till 1 on Christmas! It was pretty busy too and the food was great. It was a nice atmosphere to end our nice Christmas day.

Arctic Blast

Yesterday was the first day of winter (since Tuesday night was Shab-e Yalda, Persian homies!), and there was no doubt about it. Here in Dallas we had the first snow fall of the season, and it was real snow, not ice! Of course my biggest fear was about going to work this morning. So I spent yesterday driving around town to get used to driving on icy roads. All night the news had cheesy "Arctic Blast" graphics and kept a play by play of all 500 accidents. I barely slept cuz I was so freaked out. So I got up this morning and kept my eyes glued to the news. It seemed our fair city was doing its job and sanding all the ice on the streets. But, to be cautious, I accepted by dad's offer to drive me to work. So off we endeavored in our Winter Wonderland. It was beautiful, but there was a lot of ice on Preston, esp. around LBJ. I made it to work safe and sound, where I totally rocked and doctor said that I could get into med school I wanted to because I'm super duper qualified. We had really cool cases too in neurosurgery and GI/gyno. My job's awesome; I learn so much.

After work, my mom and sisters picked me up and we went to Northpark Mall for Christmas shopping. While we were there, my mom suddenly says, "Hey isn't that guy famous?" I look over and I see it's...Barry Watson! It was so cool!! My mom was like, "grab your phone and take a picture; let's go talk to him!" I was like, "Mom, that's so not cool. Let the poor guy shop in peace." She was like, "No, he's sad that no one is running up to him." Well, I finally convinced her not to bother Barry. See, my family and I have had this indirect relationship with him for a while (meaning 6 degrees of separation). My really good friends (they're 3 sisters and one of them is getting married Jan 1 and the other just had her engagement party last month to the brother of one of my guy friends at SMU and is getting married in the summer) all went to the same middle school as him (Park Hill Junior High). Yes, Barry Watson moved to Richardson from Michigan when he was 8, the same age I was when I moved out of Richardson to Plano, (otherwise I would have gone to the same middle school as him and then gone to high school with Jessica Simpson). My sister and I's high school geometry teacher Ms. Blakely dated Barry Watson's dad for years and was always going off to his lake house. And last night, my mom and I were watching the 7th Heaven episode where Matt (Barry) tells his parents he wants to drop out of med school to save his marriage. Can you believe it? I'm getting chills. Celebrity sightings are few and far between in Dallas, but the only ones I've had (other than concerts) are:

1. Michael Irving when he visited my elementary school in 5th grade for Texas day (That same year I went to a party where Nina Shahravan was, the woman who later that year would get Irving sent to court)
2. Deoin Sanders when I trick-or-treated at his house in my neighborhood
3. Troy Aikman driving and jogging in our neighborhood. When his house burned down he bought another two streets over.
4. Katherine Helmond (Mona from Who's the Boss?) at III Forks. Boy, did she draw a crowd.
5. Kay Bailey Hutchinson on the airplane on my way to Juarez to get my green card in 4th grade. I was a huge fan of hers at the time.
6. OK, so this wasn't me, but my mom saw Fabio at DFW airport on her way to England. This was when he was cool, ie before the bird bit his nose.
   

Finals: Day 3

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!! I took 2 finals today, British Authors 1 and Victorian Gender. Extremely writing intensive and equally rewarding. My A was guaranteed in BA1, but VG could go either way. I had it calculated that if I got an A on either the last paper or the final exam I would have an A in the course. After I took the VG exam, I got my paper and I got an....A!! She wrote all sorts of great stuff on it about how she read my paper with such excitement and how it's exemplary. I couldn't believe it. Do you know what this means? This means I have done the impossible. I've taken 20 hrs of course work in one term from 3 different colleges in 3 different cities and made a 4.0 in all the classes. How do you turn down someone with that on their transcript? This is one of the happiest days of my college life. All together now: WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finals: Day 2

My CF final went very well today. I don't think I've ever written so much: 4 essays and 5 identities. My hand was hurting and only served as a further reminder of the pain tomorrows 2 English finals will inflict on my phalanges. I found a mistake in the test: instead of E=mc^2 the professor had written E=MC2. I wrote him a little note about it, but it turned out that I was the last person to finish the exam. So I went ahead and pointed out to him that the equation he had written was energy equals the mass of the earth times specific heat times 2, not energy equals mass times the velocity of light squared. He looked at me and said, whoever noticed that deserves an A. I was positively screaming inside! He wished me the best and I did the same. Oh God, please let me have a 4.0 semester, please please! I'm pretty sure I have the A for CF and I definitely will have it for British Authors 1 tomorrow. I just have to nail Victorian Gender (3-6 pm) tomorrow and hope that I'm not too worn out from 3 hrs of writing my British Authors 1 exam (11:30 am - 2:30 pm). Today also marks the end of my tete a tetes with Cute Frenchboy. As I watched him turn in his exam and walk out of my life forever, I thought to myself "Au revoir et bonne chance en amour."

Finals: Day 1

OK, so today wasn't my first final, but it was my first SMU final: Social Psychology. I got my UTD grades back: A in College Physics I and A+ in College Physics I Lab. I also got my social psych grade, A-. Yeah baby!! Tomorrow is Social and Intellectual History of Europe. Today was my review and I had a very nice chat with Cute Frenchboy before it started. He's so cute and European, sigh. The review was okay, not very structured, Q&A style. I got my Brit Lit 1 paper back: A again. I really wish he exempt me from the final, but he was sort of tied because it's a team-taught class and he's not the "head" professor. Oh well, the A's in the bag anyway. I'm so happy I'm an English major and that I'm taking my science classes at UTD. That was the smartest decision I ever made. 2 finals down, 3 more to go.

Art Imitates Life

Broken Dreams

I almost don't believe it: Khatami: Iran's Democratic Reforms Failed.
I was in Iran in 1997 between Khatami's first presidential election and his inauguration. It was such an exciting time. Everyone was so hopeful of the future. They saw Khatami as a panacea for all their troubles, a chance to retrieve at least a modicum of the freedom and dignity of Iran's past. They were so sure that with Khatami in power everything would be all right. Instead, he was held back by a fundamentally flawed political system. In Iran, the power is not in the hands of the elected parliament or president, but in the appointed mullahs. The people don't have any say in who these religious officials will be or in the policies that they implement. You can see the problem: the system is not designed to represent the people and is a republic in name only (like how England is really a monarchy because the queen has little power, but the PM has lots more control). Khatami was an intellectual who thought he could make a difference in the country that he loves, but he couldn't. He was chained by the regime. What I'm surprised about is that he has the guts to admit it. But I guess he can now that he's out of power. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if he "disappeared" soon after leaving office. The government has little tolerance for the kind of things he said in his farewell address. I really wonder what the next president is going to be like, but unless they change the system it won't matter.

Dream On...

So I had a dream two nights ago that bothers me. I'm at my history final exam review and Cute Frenchboy is there (and he even speaks French!). We basically flirt like mad throughout the whole review, but I keep wanting to ask him what his email address is. So then we get a break in the middle of the review and, instead of asking for it or his cell phone number, I get up and get dolled up to go to a Persian party in the next room. When I get there, I say hi to everybody and I'm really excited to be at this party but I also want to get through it so that I can go back to Frenchie. So I'm speaking Farsi obviously this whole time until I get to one girl. I say "Salam" to her and she replies "whatever, I don't even want to be here." Then I say, "look I've got this hottie waiting for me in the next room, do you think I wanna be here?" Then she says, "so what? You're just gonna "do it" and then what?" And then I say, "I am not! I've never done that and I'm not planning on doing it today." Then she says, "Well if you want to be with him so bad what are you doing here?" I realize that she's right and I dash out (looking fabulous) to go back to him. Then I see him laughing and having fun with a 3 other girls and, it's like I'm invisible. I keep calling his name, and he doesn't even look at me.

Analysis: I think this dream indicates that those chains I thought I was free of are very much still attached. I never did pursue Cute Frenchboy. I had the opportunities, and I didn't take them because something was still holding me back. In my dream, when I had the opportunity to get Frenchie's number I immediately retreated into the Persian community even though it wasn't really where I wanted to be. I was happy there because I felt safe, secure, and the culture is so routine. But my routine was disrupted by the American girl telling me that this world is not what I really want. I think she represents my American self. She says that as long as I'm not compromising my morals there's no reason not to go have fun with people that I like to be around. When I went back into the "American" world, Cute Frenchboy didn't want me anymore. I think that's just an indicator of where I stand with him now; I had my chance, I retreated, and now my opportunity is gone. I may never see him again after Thursday. I have to stop living in fear.

Warrior Princess

HaHa! It turns out my ancient ancestors were female warriors! Can you believe it?

Bones Suggest Women Went to War in Ancient Iran

Sat Dec 4, 8:47 AM ET

Science - Reuters

TEHRAN (Reuters) - These days Iranian women are not even allowed to watch men compete on the football field, but 2,000 years ago they could have been carving the boys to pieces on the battlefield.

DNA tests on the 2,000-year-old bones of a sword-wielding Iranian warrior have revealed the broad-framed skeleton belonged to woman, an archaeologist working in the northwestern city of Tabriz said on Saturday.

"Despite earlier comments that the warrior was a man because of the metal sword, DNA tests showed the skeleton inside the tomb belonged to a female warrior," Alireza Hojabri-Nobari told the Hambastegi newspaper.

He added that the tomb, which had all the trappings of a warrior's final resting place, was one of 109 and that DNA tests were being carried out on the other skeletons.

Hambastegi said other ancient tombs believed to belong to women warriors have been unearthed close to the Caspian Sea.